Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We don't watch enough power rangers
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
