The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
