so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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