Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
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