mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
