so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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