getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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