saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
