I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Randomize
