Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
