honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
