some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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