I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
