her vagine was all disorganized.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I supernannyed him into submission
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
