The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
