Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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