i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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