ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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