You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
