the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
