My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
