plz talk dirty to me
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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