Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
