If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
