Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize