i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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