Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
