I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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