I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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