is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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