I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
