i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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