Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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