please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
