Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
