I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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