is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
