You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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