can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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