So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
