Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
