Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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