Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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