He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
