He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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