I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
