Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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