Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
