im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
