We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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