I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
