Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
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