I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize