so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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