you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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