you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
