Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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