I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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