can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
