Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
When are your genitals available?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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