just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize