You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
