I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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