____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
