I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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