So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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