Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
What drink are we having for lunch?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
